I Love You
It’s not Valentine’s yet, but I settled on this title because I got the news the husband of a dear friend passed away yesterday afternoon. He was a very good man and was a positive influence on many people. He’d not been in the best of health, but still, no one expects it.
I have a number of friends who have lost their spouses. Guess that just comes with age, but still it hurts.
One of these people shared info to help be prepared when that happens, and it will happen to us all. Here are a few of those things.
- Passwords—make sure you know each other’s passwords, or you know where the updated list is stored. My friend posted her loss not just on her FB page but on her husband’s. When I saw that I was brought up short. My husband and I don’t know how to get into each other’s FB accounts. Had I not seen the post on her husband’s page, I’m not sure I’d have thought to do that.
- Have a conversation with each other and family members about what your requests are. You don’t need to have arrangements made with the funeral home ahead of time (though that’s best) but have the discussion about cremation or burial. When we had that conversation, I learned that one of our daughters really wanted some place to visit, so we will do a small plaque in the ground with the ashes there.
- Like passwords make sure everyone understands the financial situation. Where are all the bank accounts (if you have more than one). And credit cards, too.
- Know who to call first. One of those first five calls should be to your financial adviser if you have one. Ours is a very good friend. While my husband is a lawyer, we have another lawyer (again a good friend) who handles probate.
- Make sure you have a will and know where it is. Have the discussion about taking extreme steps to keep you alive. Have a Durable Power of Attorney, Medical Power of Attorney, & Directive to Physicians.
- For those of us who are authors, the spouse needs to have a clue about our books files. Maybe just write that all out for them. Not sure they can keep that in their heads. I have trouble keeping it in my head and they are my books. 😊
- You need to know how to do everything your spouse does and vice versa. From making the coffee to running the dishwasher to finding the shows you’ve recorded.
My friend has a lengthy list this just is the tip. If you’d like me to send you the complete list, I’d be happy to. Just leave your email in the comments below.
Now, I know you might think of this as a real downer of a post on this blog where we want to share encouraging words. But we probably all know folks or have heard of situations when the spouse dies and the remaining spouse is clueless, making the loss and surviving the loss so much more difficult.
We can’t make the hurt less, but we can help prepare so the nitty-gritty of dealing with a loss isn’t quite as devasting.
And lastly, tell you loved ones, “I love you,” and tell them often.
I do have a 99 Cent sale on two of my books the January 16th to the 21st which should bring a smile.
SECOND ACT, Book 1 The Second Chances Series
https://books2read.com/u/38Rk6d http://amzn.to/19TAB4B
&
VERMONT ESCAPE, my first published book
https://books2read.com/u/3JXxZK
Blurbs for each of my books with links can be found on my website https://authormarsharwest.wordpress.com/ Where you can also sign up for my blog and my NEWSLETTER MRW Press LLC (list-manage.com)
Contact me at marsha@marsharwest.com , and follow me on…
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Amazon.com: Marsha R. West: Books, Biography, Blog, Audiobooks, Kindle
Word by Word 
Excellent advice! Thanks for sharing, Marsha 🙂
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Hey, Joanne. Thanks and thanks so much for stopping by. 🙂
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Thank you for this! My hubs and I will be gathering this stuff this weekend. Because you never know.
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Hey, Karen. Good plan. We’re getting started this weekend, too. This is the second good friend we’ve lost and finally, it’s time to take care of this stuff so whoever is left doesn’t have such a mess to deal with on top of the grief. Good luck and thanks for stopping by. 🙂
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Great advice, Marsha. I know Handsome and I probably haven’t shared enough about social media and book stuff.
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Hey, Vicki. I know we live in our own social media bubbles. Password sharing is on our todo list for this weeken. 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by.
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My mom and had everything lined up for her passing. We learned lessons when Dad passed. One thing that turned out to be hard to deal was my brother. He had , and continues live his life without his he rest of us.
Family differences need to be put aside so that all family members know and understand your wishes. If that means a will, or wish list, share it!!
I’m single, no immediate family,and also distanced from my extended family, so when I traveled, I left contact information with a trusted friend.
The other point I would like to make is , make sure your information is safe. Not just online, but from nature. The wild fire in eastern Colorado destroyed over 1000 homes in less than six hours.
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Hey. Charlotte. Oh my goodness. Bless your heart. So sorry for your losses. Yes, you make a really good point about not just having a print copy of it all. Tomorrow, we’re updating our passwords. Periodically, I send them to our daughters. I never thought about the fire situation. We are under draught conditions right now, but generally, we fear tornadoes blowing through during the spring. Thanks so much for stooping by and sharing a really important piece of this discussion. 🙂
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Great blog, thanks for sharing.
And something specific I learned about facebook… Without the password, it is almost impossible to close someone’s account unless before their passing they/or you have gone into settings and made a “Legacy” provision.
Also, my husband’s name in FB is not EXACTLY the same as listed on his death certificate (because who uses their full legal name on FB?) … so I could not close his FB account or even change the settings even though i could provide copies of everything else in his profile. 😦
And the conversation about wishes for after is HUGE! I discovered his wish for where his ashes did or didn’t go was something I would not have anticipated.
And the advice to not do anything drastic in the way of making big decisions like life changes in the first 6 months was the best advice ever.
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Hey, Kathryn. Oh my. Not sure how I missed you lost your husband. I knew he was ill, but totally missed that. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thanks for the important additins to this post, for stopping by and God bless you.
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Hi Marsha
It’s always hard to lose a good friend and your advice is good.I’ll make sure the social media accts are done though and a few other things.
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Hey, Pat. Yeah, fixing the social media accounts is on the to-do list for tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
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Thanks for sharing, Marsha. These conversations can be hard, but they are definitely necessary. Excellent checklist.
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Hey, Darlene. Yes, our kids didn’t really want to have the conversations and then we were so glad we did when we learned one of them really wanted a place to visit. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂
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A difficult subject but one that many will face. Thanks for the good advice, Marsha.
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Hey, Reggi. Yes, we don’t like to talk about the time we will not be here in the world, but it’s so important. My mother had basically put togehter her service and her obit. What a blessing. I’ve got my obit done and am working on the service to make it easier for the girls. Thanks so much for stoppging by. 🙂
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I’m sorry about your friend, Marsha.
Yes, please send me the list. I’d appreciate it. Good advice.
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Thank you.
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Hey, Susan. You’re welcome and I’ll send you the complete list. It’s a bit daunting, but it’s reality. Thanks so much for stopping by. 🙂
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Excellent post, Marsha. Very important for everyone, especially as we age. My husband and I have done what you outline, plus have bought a cemetery plot. For authors, I recommend ESTATE PLANNING FOR AUTHORS by M.L. Buchman. It has what you mention, plus a lot more details. First off, if you haven’t already copyrighted your books, do so now.
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